


wake up (you're so much better than that)

by gaypanic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-07 22:41:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13444926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypanic/pseuds/gaypanic
Summary: Set after "Going Home," Regina wakes up in Storybrooke with a missing year, an empty space on the bed, and a determination to get back what she had to give up to ensure the town's safety.or,an emotional roller coaster of a fic inspired by Eden's amazing song "Wake Up"





	wake up (you're so much better than that)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [parrillayeah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/parrillayeah/gifts).



> So I’m calling this canon divergent, but it’s kind of way different because a lot of the stuff before “Going Home” got brushed over, disregarded, or changed. I’m not gonna go into too many details, so take it as you see fit. Emma and Regina break the first curse earlier. Also since sq was together when Killian would have met them, CS was never an option, so Killian is friendly in this story and has no ulterior motives. Set after “Going Home” with established swan queen. (there is a scene that might be considered dubcon, but I don’t think it necessarily is. you’ll know when you get there but I’m mentioning it here as a disclaimer so no one gets upset)
> 
> Thank you to Laura for helping me beta, and thank you to Danny for listening to me whine about the secret this fic was. I am the Mary Margaret Blanchard of my own life, and all I wanted to do for the past month was spill my own secret and talk about this fic with my favorite BAB, but I couldn't because it's a surprise birthday present >:)
> 
> This is for you, Nicole! Happy birthday!

It started like this:

 

The minute Regina’s eyes met Emma’s, she knew. 

 

She knew a lot of things, all at the same time, hitting her so hard that her breath caught in her throat, and she shook her head trying to wrap her mind around the weight of it all.

 

For one, she knew that Emma was Henry’s birth mother, even before he said it. 

 

She knew that Emma would be her undoing, or rather, her curse’s undoing. She was the Savior, because  _ of course  _ she was. Emma flashed her that dopey Charming smile, and it was undeniable. 

 

She hated her for it. Both of those things. Her blood ran cold, and she had to force a smile on her face, knowing that acting on her anger would only ruin everything.

 

But maybe it wasn’t totally forced.

 

At the sight of those eyes and that smile, her heart skipped in her chest, and there was one more thing she knew. 

 

Emma wouldn’t just be her curse’s undoing, she would be  _ her _ undoing as well. 

 

She was going to hate her so hard, so adamantly, so fueled with passion, that she was going to love her.

 

And she did.

 

It happened so fast. One minute they were fighting, again, and then Emma was kissing her and she couldn’t remember what the fight was about to begin with. Emma pulled back just enough to mumble, “Jesus, woman you are so dense” against her lips before tugging Regina closer, hands desperately gripping her waist.

 

Regina moaned into her mouth and somehow magicked the two of them into her bedroom, Emma’s clothes nowhere to be found. For a moment Emma stood in Regina’s arms, shocked. “Henry was right,” she muttered, just before her expression shifted. “I knew it,” Emma snickered. “I knew there was magic. I knew  _ you _ were magic.  _ I knew you wanted m _ e.”

 

She gaped at Emma in awe, shaking her head ever so slightly. Maybe Emma didn’t realize, but Regina did. They had just shared True Love’s Kiss, breaking the dark curse, and Regina might not have believed it if she couldn’t feel it vibrating through every cell in her body. “I  _ need _ you,” she corrected with a whisper, and the blonde’s face went from smug to soft, her eyes reflecting every emotion Regina felt.

 

Their next kiss had been tender and slow. 

 

Their night had been both of those things as well as the chaos of a first time. Heated and bipolar like their relationship had always been, with it’s rough highs and gentle lows, and more importantly, it was everything Regina had always longed for. 

 

As they fell asleep, their naked bodies tangled together, Regina felt Emma’s breath, hot and gentle against her neck, and she knew one more thing. 

 

She never wanted to fall asleep any other way.

 

It had been tentative at first, something neither of them were used to, but they felt so much and it all rushed to the surface so fast, like a volcano, building forever but exploding so suddenly.

 

In a way, it felt juvenile, the way they turned almost every night into a sleepover, but instead of Emma getting a  _ drawer _ , she had a whole dresser. Her toothbrush was at Regina’s place so frequently that she would arrive at the mansion some mornings, sheepishly smiling up at Regina before sneaking past her to brush her teeth because she hadn’t thought to take her toothbrush home with her the day before.

 

It was hardly a month later when Regina walked up behind Emma as she brushed her teeth, arms wrapping around her waist. She left a kiss to Emma’s pulse point and then just said it. “Move in with me.”

 

Emma had been so excited that she’d spun on the spot and kissed Regina, toothpaste and all. 

 

Regina had been so happy that she didn’t even care, kissing her in return and smiling against her minty, foamy mouth.

 

Henry had been thrilled of course, making a list of all the rules she would need to remember to keep Regina happy, even though Regina knew better than anyone that Emma already had them mastered.

 

They had their fair share of trials outside of their relationship, but when it was just them, there was never a problem. Regina hadn’t believed that two people could truly fit together so well, much less that  _ she _ could ever fit together so well with anyone, but she did. She and Emma did.

 

Emma was the first to say the words. They were washing dishes one night, and Emma just turned to Regina as she finished drying off a plate, and said, “I love you,” in a casual way that only Emma could.

 

Regina being Regina had smirked. “I know.”

 

Emma had laughed, shaking her head, “I can’t tell if you’re making a  _ Star Wars _ reference or being cocky,” and Regina had given her an  _ extra _ cocky look in response. Emma gaped. “How?”

 

Green eyes were on hers, wide and in awe, bearing the exact same expression they had made the day of their first kiss after the words “I need you” but before the actions that proved it. It was a moment that Regina knew, entirely, confidently, and beyond any shadow of doubt, that the curse breaking kiss they had shared truly held everything the stars meant for it to.

 

But she didn’t say that.

 

Instead, she smirked. She said, “We broke the curse, Emma. With True Love’s Kiss.” The look Emma gave her was priceless, somewhere between shock and relief that all of her suspicions were true.

 

“Is that when you knew you loved me?”

 

Regina’s lips twitched up into a soft smile, eyes on the dishes in front of her. Her smile grew when she finally looked back up at Emma. “No.” 

 

She washed her hands off before turning towards the blonde, hooking her fingers in the belt loops of Emma’s jeans to pull them together until their bodies were flush against each other, their lips only inches away.

 

“I knew from the moment I saw you.”

 

Emma’s lips parted a little as she let out the softest of gasps. Regina caught it as her own mouth found Emma’s, pressing gently, moving deliberately, until she pulled back, their noses brushing. “Emma Swan, I will love you for the rest of my life.”

 

It started like that.

 

But now.

 

But now Regina was holding Emma’s hands at the town line, fighting back tears as she watched Emma’s fall freely.

 

“But… True Love’s Kiss,” Emma said. “Can’t we break this curse too? We still have true love, Regina. I can feel it. It’s…” she trailed off with a cry, her head dropping to Regina’s shoulder.

 

“I know, baby, I can feel it too. It’s the most powerful magic I’ve ever felt, but it isn’t enough.”

 

Then her stubborn Emma kissed her, desperate and fierce as if she could prove the universe wrong. After she pulled back and nothing happened, she tried again. And again, and again, and again. Tiny kisses full of adoration and heartache pressed to Regina’s lips until Emma finally pulled back with a sob, her green eyes full of tears that rolled down her face as she tried to blink them back.

 

“But I love you,” she said with a small shake of her head. “How is this fair?”

 

Regina had been trying to hold it together, to be strong both for herself and for Emma, but she reached a breaking point, and allowed herself to fall into Emma’s arms as they held each other for a long moment, forgetting their friends and family behind them and the circumstances that led them to this moment.

 

They only separated when their son’s voice sounded next to them, weighed with sorrow. “Moms? We’re running out of time.” They all turned to see the bright green clouds building in the distance, darkening the sky.

 

_ Darkness, how appropriate _ , Regina thought bitterly, wiping the tears from her face, even though they would soon be replaced by more.

 

When Regina had figured out a way out of Pan’s curse and realized that it required the ultimate price, she’d let herself cry, preparing to tell her family what it meant. She would have to give up the thing she loved most to reverse her own dark curse, making Pan’s irrelevant.

 

Emma had thrown out every idea imaginable, refusing to give up hope that they could all stay together. But it was impossible. Emma and Henry would have to go. “It’s my price to pay, Emma,” Regina had explained, but Emma shook her head. 

 

“No.”

 

“Emma…”

 

“No, Regina, I get it. You have to pay a price, but you don’t have to say goodbye to us both.”

 

Regina cocked her head at Emma. “Emma, I don’t understand… Henry can’t go by himself…”

 

“Not Henry.” Emma closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Me.”

 

Of course, part of the curse’s reversal meant that Henry  _ had _ to leave, but Emma insisted there was a way. Regina fought her on it, but the blonde had been adamant. “I am  _ not _ letting you lose him, Regina.” And while she ransacked Gold’s shop for an answer Regina thought was impossible, she allowed herself to cry again, where no one was watching.

 

She recovered by the time Emma came up to her, a triumphant smile on her face, holding a scrap of wood tied to a string. “I’ve got it!” 

 

It was a piece of the wardrobe that first send Emma to Storybrooke, now hung around Henry’s neck as he stood next to them at the town line. If Emma had managed to recover any in the past couple of minutes, all resolve fell the minute her eyes met Henry’s. She left one hand on Regina’s waist as she pulled Henry to her with the other.

 

Regina wanted to give them a moment to say goodbye, uninterrupted, but Emma wasn’t having it. When she started to back away, Emma’s grip became more firm, going so far as to bring her into the hug with them, and when she felt one of Henry’s little arms wrap around her, she fell into it, not knowing if she would ever hold her family like this again.

 

She pulled back sooner than she wanted to, giving them a proper chance to say goodbye. Emma crouched down, looking up at Henry. She gave Regina a sad smile before putting all her attention on him. “You take care of her, okay, kid?” 

 

“Okay,” he said with a watery nod before falling against Emma in another hug. “I love you, Ma.”

 

“I love you too, Henry.”

 

Regina stood back, shuffling her feet until she felt Emma’s hands slipping into hers. “What happens now?” Her red rimmed eyes sought Regina’s.

 

Regina swallowed hard before answering. She hadn’t told Emma everything. There were things she had been reluctant to say  _ then _ that she was  _ even more _ reluctant to say  _ now _ . Emma seemed to sense it as she shifted nervously, “Regina, what is it?”

 

“I’m taking back the dark curse, which means that Storybrooke will be gone. From this state, from this realm… from your memories,” she finished softly, ducking her head as if not seeing Emma’s reaction would make it better, but she could hear it in the shaky release of Emma’s breath, she could feel it in the irregularities of her pulse as she trailed her fingers over Emma’s wrist, and she could hear it in the sound of Emma’s voice, soft and trembling as she spoke her next question.

 

“I’m not going to remember you?”

 

Phrased any other way, Regina might have been able to hold herself together, explain the specifics of the memory situation and find a way to comfort Emma, but instead, she tried to cover a sob behind her hand, her head shaking because she was incapable of forming any other response. David and Mary Margaret had to come to her aid, explaining through their own tears what was going to happen, but she didn’t think Emma heard any of it, not with the way she was looking at her.

 

Regina turned away when they finished, giving Emma the chance to say goodbye to her parents before making her way back. She spared a glance towards the clouds of the curse. There were only minutes left, and she wasn’t going to waste any of them.

 

She cupped a hand around Emma’s cheek and brought their lips together in another desperate kiss. Emma’s hands clung to her, not wanting to let go. “I don’t like this, Gina,” Emma said, resting her forehead against the brunette’s.

 

“I don’t either. But it’s for the best. To give you your best chance.”

 

“You’re my best chance,” Emma whispered without missing a beat. She leaned back into Regina, and they shared one final kiss before Emma threaded her fingers through dark hair and stepped away. “I love you.”

 

Those were the last words she heard Emma say. 

 

After she cast the reversal of her own dark curse and turned to see the unforgettable yellow bug moving further down the street, she whispered her response in time to be whisked away in the clouds of now purple smoke. 

 

“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Regina woke up in her and Emma’s bed on what felt like the next morning, she was sure it had all been a dream.

 

But a very confused and very pregnant Snow White banging on her door had other ideas, and the baby in her stomach was evidently proof of that.

 

She fell back into her mayoral position as easily as she slipped back into her pantsuit and Louboutins, making her way to City Hall where everyone was gathering for a town meeting.

 

As she walked through the crowd, she couldn’t help but seek out a pair of familiar green eyes. It was unlikely that Emma was back as well, but if any of this was happening at all, it didn’t seem completely far fetched. 

 

She faced the town alongside her former nemesis, finding that the two of them were a comfortable blend of all the binaries the town fed into, namely good and evil, and while they had moved on from the whole  _ evil queen _ bit, it was undeniably helpful to have Mary Margaret backing up everything Regina said.

 

“Yes, more than likely this  _ is _ a curse, but like Regina said, we  _ don’t know _ who cast it or why, so we  _ can’t _ just go around accusing people,” Snow said in her most authoritative voice. “We can figure this out, but we need to work together.”

 

Regina assured them as best she could that they would get to the bottom of this, telling them to resume their formerly cursed lives in the meantime. Everyone kind of shrugged and half-heartedly agreed as they made their way from the auditorium to open up shop.

 

The only one that was remotely close to freaking out was Regina, who was pacing in her office ten minutes later, unable to be placated by either Snow or David. 

 

“Regina, there’s no reason to panic. So far everyone is accounted for. Henry is safe, the town is exactly how it was before… I don’t think the curse is malicious, it’s just…”

 

“This isn’t about the curse, Snow,” Regina snapped before letting her head fall into her hands. Her mind was racing with thoughts of Emma, wondering what the curse meant for her, if anything at all. If she was nearby, if she knew that something had changed, if she remembered…

 

“Oh,” Snow muttered softly, a hand soft to Regina’s back. “We’ll find her. We will always--”

 

“I swear to god, if you finish that sentence…” Regina said with a watery laugh. Mary Margaret laughed with her, a small shake of her head. She was about to respond when the door was suddenly thrown open.

 

“Mom! Mom! I found her! I found Emma!” Henry’s shoes squeaked as he halted in front of Regina, wearing the smile he’d inherited from his birth mother.

 

“Henry… Shouldn’t you be--” She shook her head once. “Where? Where is she?”

 

She noticed the piece of paper in his hand the second before he held it out to her. It was a page torn from a telephone and address book, a mark circling an entry that sure enough read  _ Emma Swan.  _ She eyed the Boston address warily. “Is this…?”

 

“It’s current. The book was dated for a month ago.”

 

“But how…”

 

“I don’t know, Mom, but you have to go get her back.”

 

All it took was a pleading look from her son,  _ their _ son, to get her to agree. “What if she doesn’t remember?” Regina whispered, soft enough that Henry couldn’t hear.

 

Mary Margaret gave her a sad smile. “She may not. But we’ll find a way to get her memories back.” 

 

“Do you think…” Regina trailed off, worrying her bottom lip. She was almost afraid to ask, but she didn’t have to.

 

“It might work,” Snow nodded. “Just… be careful. If you just…  _ kiss her _ , she’ll probably hit you.”

 

Regina snorted a laugh, “That’s my girl…”

 

“We’ll be looking into alternatives. Though, I hope we won’t need them. Leroy and the dwarves tested the town line again. You should be good to go.”

 

“Will you watch Henry while I’m gone?”

 

“Of course.”

 

With well wishes from the Charmings and two hugs from Henry (one for her and one for Emma), she climbed into her car and drove over that dreaded town line to find the love of her life.

 

She would fix this.

 

The drive to Boston was about two and a half hours, and it wouldn’t have been so bad under different circumstances.

 

But the closer she crept to the city, to Emma, her heart’s rhythm shifted in her chest as if a magical force was tugging them back together. She wondered if Emma could feel it too.

 

In a way, it was a comfort. She could feel the magic inside her even outside of Storybrooke, so she knew that living in a land without magic, in a city that had never contained it, wouldn’t be a barrier if they were to share True Love’s Kiss.

 

But the magic was also breaking her composure, buzzing through her veins and bringing out all the nervous habits her mother had attempted to break her of. 

 

She parked a block down from Emma’s apartment. She knew that the blonde would be paying too close of attention, and if she only had one shot, she wasn’t going to mess it up by being suspicious.

 

For almost an hour, she just sat in her car, remastering her self-assuredness and formulating the smallest semblance of a plan. Something natural. Something that could happen to anyone at any day at any time, but something that seemed to happen by chance.

 

Her mind echoed a few things Mary Margaret might have to say about fate before she rolled her eyes and left the car. She had all day, having left early enough to be there before Emma even woke up. Not knowing her job or her routine or  _ anything  _ about her life was a little more than a bump in the road, but Regina tried to let it go, channel her inner Snow White, and not shudder too much at  _ that _ passing thought.

 

She wandered into a coffee shop near Emma’s apartment (because god knows she would need coffee if she would be at this all day) and stood in the line, wringing her hands together, eyes pretending to read the menu overhead to disguise her nerves.

 

Finally, it was her turn. “Americano,” she said, reaching for her wallet and missing the wide grin on the barista’s face. When she didn’t hear a total, she looked up in confusion. “How much is it?”

 

“It’s paid for,” the barista said with a grin.

 

“What,” Regina deadpanned.

 

“It’s paid for,” she repeated, eyes darting behind her. Regina followed her gaze and sucked in a sharp breath when she saw a head of blonde hair slipping out the door. 

 

Maybe to everyone else it was just a normal head of blonde hair, but Regina knew better.

 

Coffee forgotten, she was out the door in seconds, arm reaching out for _her_. At the first contact, she felt the magic stirring up in her heart as it skipped in her chest, and then _those green eyes_ were on hers, full of surprise with hints of panic and giddiness. If Regina weren’t so stunned, she would have smiled, but _she was_ _looking at Emma_ and _Emma was looking at her_ and she _never_ thought this would happen again. So all she could do was stare, awestruck.

 

Emma blushed, ducking her head and biting her lip, and Regina felt the corners of her mouth tilting upwards. The chances of something like this had felt impossible, yet it was happening.

 

It was evident that Emma didn’t remember her and that she hadn’t expected to be approached. She tried to keep that in mind as she took the situation and ran with it. “You…” Regina swallowed, unsure how to start. There were so many things she wanted to say but even more things she couldn’t say. “You weren’t going to leave me your number?”

 

At that, Emma laughed and Regina’s small grin became a glowing smile. “It’s on the cup,” she explained, soon after realizing that Regina’s hands were empty. Her eyes brightened, laced with curiosity as they met Regina’s again. “Looks like you forgot something…”

 

“I didn’t forget anything,” Regina smiled, all too aware if the irony in the wording. “I had to talk to you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes,” she laughed. Emma looked so surprised, the kind of surprised where expectations are exceeded. She looked like nothing this good had happened to her in a long time. “Do you have somewhere to be?”

 

Emma shook her head. “No, I was just leaving before I could make a fool out of myself. I didn’t think… I can’t believe this is really happening.”

 

“Would you like to have coffee with me?”

 

Emma grinned in response. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” She disappeared back into the coffee shop, and Regina stared after her. She had come here prepared to force fate to even just  _ talk _ to Emma, and yet, somehow she didn’t have to do anything but stand in line for a coffee, and Emma had not only appeared back in her life but had  _ bought her coffee  _ and  _ left her number _ and  _ wanted her attention _ , and Regina didn’t think a better sign from fate had ever existed.

 

It was only moments later when Emma nearly skipped out of the coffee shop, now holding two cups. She passed one to Regina, their fingers brushing, and it took Regina using  _ actual _ magic not to drop the cup. If Emma noticed anything, it didn’t show.

 

“I have a place in mind, if you don’t mind a little walk, that is. I’m Emma, by the way.”

 

“Regina,” she said, offering a hand.

 

Emma took it, her smile as warm as her soft skin. “Regina,” she repeated.

 

Regina would walk anywhere with this woman.

 

They ended up in a park, a small one, on a little bench tucked away like a secret. Emma noticed Regina noticing the isolation and she blushed. “I like it here because no one can see me unless they’re trying to. I can just… exist, you know? I usually come here to think, or be alone.” 

 

At that Emma stopped, seeming to realize that she’d invited a total stranger (to her anyway) into her special place. Regina failed to fight back a smile.

 

“I’ve never shown anyone this place before,” Emma said, confirming Regina’s suspicions.

 

“Maybe I’m not just anyone.”

 

“Maybe you’re not,” Emma responded with a grin, unconsciously scooting a little closer to Regina on the bench. For a moment, they just sat together in a comfortable silence, sipping coffee. They weren’t close enough to be touching, but it didn’t take long for that to change.

 

Emma shifted suddenly, turning on the bench to face Regina, settling with her shin against Regina’s thigh. “So what do you do?”

 

She swallowed hard before answering, well aware of where this conversation could go. “I’m a mayor.”

 

“A  _ mayor _ ?” Emma gaped. “Of Boston?”

 

“No,” Regina laughed. “It’s a town in Maine. Called Storybrooke.”

 

“Maine? Wow, quite the drive. What brings you to Boston?”

 

And there it was.

 

Regina kind of chuckled to herself, ignoring how strange it sounded. She wasn’t sure she could do this small talk with Emma, not if it were all on her. “I just wanted to get out for a little bit,” was her answer, and Emma accepted it with a blush. “What about you?”

 

Emma shrugged, “Nothing exciting. I used to be a bail bondsperson, but when I moved back to Boston a year ago, I decided not to pick it back up.”

 

At the mention of  _ one year ago _ , Regina felt a pang in her chest. “Why’s that?”

 

“It just didn’t feel right. I wanted a change of pace,” Emma snorted, “I wish I could take it back. The whole past year.”

 

_ Me too _ , Regina thought, holding her tongue.

 

“I ended up at the DMV.”

 

At that, Regina couldn’t help but snort. “What?”

 

“Yeah, I do the driving tests. It’s probably the worst job I’ve ever had. I mean, can you imagine, being in the car with sixteen year olds that many times a week?”

 

Regina laughed, thinking about how Henry would be driving on his own in just a few years. Would they have Emma back by then?

 

“At least you don’t have to teach them.”

 

Emma’s face twisted into a mock horrified expression. “You’re so right. Oh man. Have you ever taught anyone how to drive,  _ Madam Mayor _ ,” Emma asked with a smirk. 

 

_ If only she knew what that name from Emma’s mouth did to her. _

 

“No,” Regina answered with a chuckle, pushing back the idea of their son growing up so fast, as well as the embarrassing memory of waking up in her cursed town where she had magically given everyone the knowledge to use cars  _ except  _ for herself. She didn’t think that teaching herself counted as an answer anyway.

 

They spent an hour just talking, Emma getting to know Regina, and Regina getting a first hand recount of the fake memories that had filled Emma’s mind a year ago. 

 

When she realized she would need fake memories, Emma had wanted life to return to as much of  _ normal _ as possible, but there was only so much Regina could do, since Emma  _ hadn’t  _ been in Boston in years, nor had she been working as a bail bondsperson. She couldn’t have just walked back in as if nothing had happened.

 

So for the years Emma was in Storybrooke, her new memories placed her in  _ New York. _ She had moved to Boston for a change, back to the apartment she had left behind, thinking it was brand new. It was a place that had no trace of Henry or Regina, no trace of Storybrooke, no trace of her parents.

 

_ Her parents _ .

 

In this reality, Emma believed she was an orphan, unloved and unwanted, rejected at birth and left on the side of the road. She hadn’t talked about it, but Regina knew how it affected her, same as it had when they first met. She could hear it in her voice.

 

In addition to that, all of Emma’s past troubles had remained. Everything with Neal, going to prison, giving birth to Henry. It had all happened, in Emma’s fake memories as well as her real ones. 

 

She was a Savior that had broken a curse she hadn’t even known existed with a woman she couldn’t remember loving, much less  _ remember. _

 

But she would remember. She had to.

 

In the past hour, their positions hadn’t changed much, except that now, Regina was angled more toward Emma, elbow propped on the bench behind them, almost mirroring the blonde’s posture.

 

Emma looked relaxed. Not like she did when they were  _ together _ but more so than she had during their encounter this morning, and as time passed, the more she smiled at Regina with ease. She was smitten, clearly, but Regina wouldn’t have noticed it if she had just met Emma as the blonde believed.

 

She was telling some story from work, a driving test gone wrong or something, but Regina wasn’t listening. She was lost in Emma’s eyes, glowing as she spoke, and she hardly noticed when she stopped talking. “Regina?” 

 

“Hmm?”

 

Regina was still in a daze. Just being with Emma, whether she remembered her or not, gave her a high like no other, and before she could think about what she was doing, she was closing the space between them and pressing her lips to Emma’s.

 

When Emma froze against her, Regina wondered if she was remembering. She could feel the magic surging from within her crashing in waves against Emma’s lips, and if it wasn’t as strong as their first True Love’s Kiss, it was because they were in Boston, where the magic wasn’t as powerful.

 

When Emma’s lips slowly parted and moved against hers, soft and tentative, Regina smiled into the kiss, her chest swelling with emotion as she imagined the look of recognition in Emma’s eyes when they pulled apart. 

 

The kiss ended with one of Emma’s hands in Regina’s hair, the other on her thigh as Regina gently cupped Emma’s face in her palms. Pulling back just enough before leaving one more small kiss to her lips.

 

She pulled back and she opened her eyes.

 

She’d never been more grateful for all the years she spent building walls around herself to hide her true emotions.

 

Instead of seeing green eyes full of joyful remembrance, she saw green eyes sparkling with the possibility of love.

 

It was a sight to behold, it really was, but it wasn’t what Regina had been hoping for.

 

Emma twirled a strand of Regina’s hair between her fingers before tracing a knuckle down her jawline. Regina hadn’t realized her head had dropped until Emma was lifting it back up, a finger under her chin, and kissing her once more.

 

It stirred something in Regina. A desperation to  _ make this work _ , a desire to have the love of her life back, a draw to do the impossible. She kissed Emma back again, pouring herself into it, and even if it couldn’t bring back Emma’s memories, she thought it raised her chances of winning her back significantly.

 

Emma was speechless when she pulled back, her dopey eyes glazed over, darkened by what the kiss left her feeling.

 

“Can I see you again?” Regina asked her, brushing their fingers together.

 

It took the blonde a minute to clear her throat, bringing herself back to Earth. “Please,” she blurted out. Regina smirked. “I mean…”

 

“I know what you mean,” Regina said, her other had coming to rest on Emma’s thigh, just above her knee. “I really… I like you.” She took a steady breath. “It would be nice to get to know each other.”

 

“I’d like that,” Emma smiled.

 

They made sure they had each other’s numbers saved before they parted ways, and as soon as they did, Regina felt a familiar tugging at her heart. She couldn’t believe she had to say goodbye to Emma again, even if it was just for a little while.

 

The drive back was heavy. Regina could still taste Emma on her lips by the time she crossed back over the town line, and it wasn’t until she stepped through the threshold of the loft that she let herself fall apart.

 

Mary Margaret had her wrapped in a hug in seconds, David resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. Henry was still in school, thankfully. She didn’t need him getting upset too.

 

They didn’t force her to talk. They just eased her over to the couch, made her some tea, and waited for her to be ready. 

 

“It didn’t work,” she finally croaked out. “True Love’s Kiss didn’t work.”

 

Neither of the Charmings offered up any possible explanations or started up on a hope speech, and for that, Regina was grateful. There was no point in trying to see the best in something that had  _ already _ happened and  _ already  _ failed, especially not when Regina had an idea of why it went the way it did.

 

It hadn’t been because there was no magic.

 

It had been because there was no love.

 

Not to Emma.  _ This _ Emma, anyway.

 

But there would be.

 

When Henry got there, he ran into her arms, asking immediately about Emma, and that was when Regina decided to talk about it.

 

She told them about how Emma had walked right back into her life.  _ Like fate _ , Mary Margaret had said, echoing Regina’s thoughts. She told them about how it all fell so perfectly into place, but Emma’s memories were still lost to her. Then she told them about how she was going to win them back by winning Emma back.

 

“We have True Love still, I just know it. I just have to show her.”

 

Mary Margaret had beamed, “I know you can do it,” while David nodded next to her, each holding a matching smile.

 

“Mom, this is the best plan ever.  _ Operation True Love _ . It’s perfect!” Henry had claimed, giving her a smile that lit up her heart, his eyes reminding her of Emma and that if Henry could love her again after everything, Emma could too.

 

So she tried.

 

She texted Emma and was giddy like a schoolgirl when Emma messaged her back within seconds, using all those emojis Regina always thought were stupid, but each one of them warmed her heart. She even used a few back, sparingly of course, but when she did, Emma sent even more back to her, most of them blushing smileys.

 

Regina called her one night to ask her out on a proper date, smiling when Emma agreed. 

 

It was interesting how such an unconventional couple could fall into silly romantic tropes despite the strangeness of their circumstances.

 

The tropes only continued. 

 

Regina bought Emma roses, and Emma bought Regina daisies, and they ate their dinner in a fancy restaurant with candles and wine. They asked each other silly questions, and at the end of the meal, they fought for the check, but Regina won, insisting that it was her treat and Emma could get it the  _ next time _ . 

 

At that, Emma smiled even wider. The idea of a  _ next time _ sounded lovely to them both.

 

Regina held every other door for Emma, and Emma held the rest for her, echoing the way they were together in Storybrooke. Both held the same lightness that love brings, but this one held a cloud between them, something more like mist, and all Regina could do was hope it wouldn’t turn stormy.

 

She walked Emma to the door of her apartment, relishing in the way Emma looked at her, so alive and hopeful. Regina wrapped an arm around Emma’s waist, pulling their bodies flush together, their lips meeting last.

 

It started slow, the way they moved together, but as Emma felt the heat of Regina’s body and Regina felt the grip of Emma’s hands, it picked up, fueled by the passion Emma didn’t realize they shared and the love that Regina fought so hard to bring back.

 

When they parted, Emma’s lips lingered just in front of hers. She could feel Emma’s breath as she said, “Stay with me.”

 

Regina sucked in a breath. She hadn’t known what to expect, but it wasn’t this.  _ God _ , she wanted Emma. More than anything. But it felt wrong, being  _ with _ Emma when she didn’t remember. She knew that it wasn’t the same. They’d been through enough to know that they wanted each other in every reality, cursed or not, and Emma had even told her,  _ if I ever say I want you, I mean it _ . 

 

In a way, this Emma was still her Emma. This Emma still wanted her, but Regina wasn’t ready. Not yet. 

 

Her hesitation at the request caught the blonde’s attention. She brushed their lips together once more before following it up with a whispered, “It’s okay. We can just sleep.”

 

So they did.

 

When Regina woke up, she wasn’t surprised to find a sleepy blonde nuzzling against her. Judging by the hour and the depth of Emma’s snores, she had enough time to prepare breakfast. If Emma had any doubts, this would likely take most of them away.

 

Emma’s face when she walked into the kitchen, awakened by the smell of bacon and pancakes was everything. She gaped at the food before turning her gaze to Regina, gaping even more at the sight of Regina wearing  _ her _ shirt and nobody’s pants. The brunette couldn’t give up this chance to show off her legs.

 

“Hungry?” she asked, causing Emma to snap her mouth closed and blink a few times.

 

Instead of answering, she walked over to Regina. “What kinds of pancakes are these?”

 

Regina grinned. “Chocolate chip.”

 

“What! No way! They’re my favorite!” She scanned the kitchen in awe. “You made  _ all _ my favorite breakfast foods.” Regina just shrugged, trying to hide her smirk. To Emma it was all a wild and fated coincidence, but to Regina, it was fact. Maybe it was cheating, to use all her knowledge about Emma to win her back, but she wasn’t just going to stand by and pretend she didn’t know what she was doing.

 

It would have been unfair, but Emma caught onto Regina’s own likes quick enough that it felt like magic bigger and less literal than the constant glow Regina felt in her chest. 

 

It felt like walking into a coffee shop and ending up next to Emma in a city of over six hundred thousand.

 

It felt like the stars were aligned.

 

* * *

 

 

The first time they had sex, about a month into this version of their relationship, Regina was sure that she was more nervous than Emma was, especially when the blonde had her pushed into the door the second it closed behind them. Shedding Regina’s coat, she whispered in her ear, “I need you.”

 

The words made Regina dizzy, just hearing Emma saying them was enough to make her knees weak, but they echoed through her mind, reminding her of their  _ real _ first time. “Are you sure you want to do this?” 

 

Emma’s eyes glowed. “This feels so right, Regina. I don’t know how to explain it, but I do know that I want this… that I want  _ you. _ ”

 

Their lips met again, and that was that. They moved together through Emma’s apartment, ending up on the couch because they couldn’t wait for the bed.

 

Emma’s hands were the first to graze Regina’s body, her fingertips setting fire to every bit of skin they touch, moving down to her core. She called out Emma’s name as she orgasmed, tugging hard on blonde hair and urging her back up, wasting no time in turning her onto her back, straddling her.

 

She did everything that Emma liked, more out of habit than anything, but every breathy moan and every sigh of pleasure hit Regina like a wave of emotion, tugging at every cell in her body and drawing her to Emma, closer and closer to reconnecting their true love.

 

When Emma came, it was hard enough for her to cry out, quivering beneath Regina and gripping onto her like she was afraid of falling. Regina slowed the movements of her fingers, giving her the chance to ride out her orgasm as she left trails of kisses on her jawline, down her neck, and across her chest before returning to her lips.

 

She moved her hand from Emma’s wet center and traced it over her stomach as she readjusted, squeezing between Emma’s body and the back of the couch, holding the blonde in her arms. Emma turned to bury her face in Regina’s hair, and it took a moment for Regina to realize.

 

Emma was crying.

 

Regina felt her heart clench as she pulled Emma closer, tracing circles on her back. “Shh, it’s okay, baby.”

 

The term of endearment only seemed to make things worse. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she finally said, pulling back to wipe her eyes. “It’s just that no one’s ever been this good to me.”

 

It was all right there. Looking into Emma’s eyes she could see it. A lifetime of rejection, of being kicked to the curb, of loss and hurt, of loneliness and hopelessness. It was a version of Emma she had met once, but had been too angry to see the vulnerability. Now that she was seeing it, her heart was breaking.

 

She pulled Emma back to her, brushing soft strokes against her skin and leaving tender kisses to her temple. “ _ I _ will be. You deserve this.”  _ You are loved, so much more than you know. _ She couldn’t say it now, but it was the closest she’d come to confessing her end of their buried true love.

 

It was almost a month later when Emma finally came to visit Regina in Storybrooke. 

 

She couldn’t tell who was more nervous about it. Her or Emma. Or Snow, who was cleaning her apartment like the Queen of England was about to visit. 

 

“Mary Margaret, would you please cut it out? She isn’t even going to be coming over here.” 

 

“Okay well, what about  _ your _ house? Do you need help cleaning it?”

 

Regina had just rolled her eyes and left. She went back over everything with the people she thought she needed to. Last night she held a town meeting, reminding everyone that while  _ they _ remember Emma, Emma doesn’t remember them, and most people were impassive about the whole thing, but there were a few overly excited members of the town who had skipped up to her with a squeal or a grin or an “Emma’s coming back?”

 

Henry was first, since she started at home. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen, okay? If she meets you today, just remember…”

 

“That she doesn’t? I know, Mom. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna make it weird.” Regina’s brow furrowed enough to cancel out the smile she tried to give him, fighting back the thought that it wasn’t  _ Henry _ she was worried about. She kissed him on the head just as the doorbell rang, and together the two of them went to answer it.

 

“Killian.” He gave her a cautious smile, aware of the delicacy of the situation. “Thanks for agreeing to keep an eye on Henry. I thought that it would be best to keep the Charmings at bay. At least for today.”

 

“Yeah, I can imagine this is a bit much for them. You seem to be handling it well though…”

 

A bittersweet smile crossed Regina’s face. “I was always falling in love with her. Every minute since we met, I’ve been falling. The only difference now is that she’s starting fresh, and I’m not. Mary Margaret and David don’t have that same courtesy. They lost her for twenty-eight years, only to lose her again. Their perspective weighs heavier on them, seeing her change without them being a part of it, but me, I’m always on a high, even when it’s hard. Loving her is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

 

“Do you think she’ll love you back again?”

 

“She did once, and I’m sure she will again.” Regina laughed, shaking her head. “I’m starting to sound like Snow. Making hope speeches and believing in the best.”

 

“It’s good. I don’t think you should be ashamed about it. Not everyone can let themselves think like that, but I do have to ask, do you have a backup plan? To get her memories back?”

 

“I thought about it, but I don’t have one, no. I’ve been too busy, going back and forth from here to Boston, taking care of Henry, and running the town with Mary Margaret. I’ve been meaning to look into memory potions…”

 

“Would you like some help? I know I may not be your first choice, but I’ve encountered a few memory potions in my day, and I have some time on my hands… well,  _ hand _ ,” he corrected with a laugh, raising his hook.

 

Regina snorted. “Thank you, I’d appreciate it.” She sighed, hands dropping to her sides. “We might be by later, so keep in mind…”

 

“She doesn’t remember, I know,” Killian nodded. “You don’t have to say it again. I’m sure you’ve said it enough.”

 

“Yes, well…” She trailed off, giving up on whatever sentence she’d started forming. “I’ll see you later.” 

 

She gave Henry another kiss on the top of his head before heading off to Granny’s. Ruby needed a lecture more than anyone. “Don’t say anything weird. Got it?”

 

Ruby gasped in mock offense, a hand clutching her chest. “Me? Say anything weird? Who do you think I am?”

 

“Exactly my point,” Regina deadpanned. “You know, maybe you should take the day off.”

 

Ruby shrugged. “Sorry, can’t. But I promise not to say anything weird. I’ll just be my normal self.”

 

“I’m going to refrain from commenting,” Regina said, her phone ringing as she turned away. Emma’s name on the screen brought a wide smile to her face, and she answered immediately, a nervous excitement pooling in her stomach.

 

The phone call ended when Regina walked outside, smile growing wider as she came face to face with Emma. “Hi,” she breathed out.

 

“Hey,” Emma said back a small smile on her lips as she took sheepish steps towards Regina, who took the blonde’s hands in hers the moment she could reach them, pulling her close until their noses were almost touching.

 

“I’m happy you’re here,” Regina smiled, shifting so her lips hovered just against Emma’s, letting her be the one to initiate the kiss. She grinned as she met Regina the rest of the way. Emma’s hands found anchor on the brunette’s waist, and Regina immediately melted into it.

 

The buzz of magic stirring inside her felt stronger in Storybrooke, and she couldn’t tell if Emma was kissing her more passionately than usual because she missed her or because she could feel it too.

 

They broke apart when a wolf whistle sounded from the door of Granny’s. Regina gritted her teeth as she turned to confirm the culprit. She shot Ruby a look  _ evil queen _ enough to make her retreat before turning back to Emma. “Sorry about that. I told her to be on her best behavior, but clearly it went right over her head.”

 

Emma chuckled, “It’s totally okay. She seems cool.” 

 

Regina snorted.  _ Her best friends are you and your mother _ . “Yeah, you could say that.”

 

“So what’s on the agenda for today, Madam Mayor?”

 

* * *

 

 

It started with a tour of the town, something to get Emma acquainted but wouldn’t likely involve too many close interactions with people. There was the occasional wave or introduction, and with each encounter, Regina felt more on edge. Maybe she was just reading too much into things, but it seemed like everyone was acting strangely.

 

If Emma thought so, she didn’t say anything, but there were times when Regina would glance over at her, and all she could see was a glaze over her eyes, a distance she couldn’t name. 

 

Emma would blink it away with a smile, asking Regina another question about something, and she would have to formulate some kind of reasonable answer. 

 

The biggest hitch in the tour came when Regina naturally stopped where they had shared their  _ actual _ first kiss, prepared to delve into what this spot meant to her, until she realized she couldn’t.

 

“What’s this?” Emma asked her, clearly confused about what kind of significance a random spot on the sidewalk could hold.

 

Instead of answering, Regina took a step to Emma and tugged on her belt loops to bring the blonde closer to her. “Just a place we’ve kissed,” she smirked before moving on.

 

For the most part, Emma seemed to really enjoy Storybrooke. Walking back down Main Street, hand in hand, she turned to Regina and said, “I’ve never lived in a small town like this before. Honestly, I think I could get used to it.”

 

The implication her words held was not lost on either of them.

 

“I mean… I wasn’t…”

 

“It’s okay,” Regina interrupted with a laugh. “I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“What if I did?”

 

Regina’s heart pounded in her chest. Whether Emma did or not, the fact that this was even coming up in conversation was  _ huge _ . She turned to her girlfriend with a smile, “I think… I’d be okay with that,” she said, nodding confidently.

 

“Yeah?” Emma asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

 

“Yes,” Regina confirmed, bringing their lips together for a chaste kiss. “But I’ll leave that up to you. That’s a really big decision.” 

 

Emma nodded slowly as they resumed their walk. Regina glanced over to her, trying to gauge what she was thinking about, but the blonde was unusually unreadable. The next part of Emma’s grand introduction was what made Regina the most anxious, and she blurted the question before she could change her mind.

 

“Would you like to meet Henry?”

 

Emma stopped walking immediately, her eyes widening in surprise. She took a deep breath and held it for a while, like she wasn’t sure if she was going to just release  _ it _ or actual words, until finally, she exhaled, firm and slow. “Regina… I want to, I  _ do _ , but…” She stopped to take another deep breath, and Regina turned her head down.

 

“It’s okay, Emma, I understand. It’s a lot of pressure.” She tried her best to look unaffected, but she knew she was failing when Emma grabbed both of her hands, spinning her back around to face her. 

 

“I don’t want you to be upset, okay? It isn’t about you, or him. I’ve never dated anyone with a kid before. I’m not even sure I’m  _ good _ with kids. What if I mess up? What if he doesn’t like me? What if...” Emma trailed off, looking down at her feet. “I’m sorry,” she said again, softer this time. 

 

Regina didn’t know if she wanted to cry or laugh or both. Emma was  _ Henry’s mother _ . The woman who gave birth to him, the woman who managed to win him over in less than a day’s time, the only other person that Regina would trust with Henry’s life, and here she was, not only oblivious to it all, but apprehensive about Henry’s presence, even at the most basic level.

 

“I’m just not sure I’m ready.”

 

Regina looked back up to Emma and wrapped her arms around her in a hug, kissing her cheek on the way in. “Emma, it’s okay. There will be plenty of opportunities. Besides,” she said, pulling back. “He’ll definitely like you. Your favorite  _ Star Wars  _ movie is the same as his.”

 

“ _ Empire _ is just the best, okay?”

 

Regina chuckled. “Maybe when you’re feeling ready, we can have a movie night and watch it?”

 

“That sounds good,” Emma grinned.

 

It was around a month later when they finally had their movie night. Emma drove straight to the mansion this time, and when Regina opened the door, she found the blonde shuffling her feet a few steps back. “Hi,” Emma said, smiling up at her, making Regina’s heart skip a beat, thinking back to the night they met. The night she knew Emma would ruin her or love her or both.

 

“Hi,” Regina said back, breathless as Emma took her hand. “Are you nervous?”

 

“No,” Emma answered, but Regina knew she was.

 

“C’mon, it’s gonna be fine.” Regina wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling their bodies together for a kiss, slow and lingering before pulling away. “I had to bribe him so that he would wait in the living room.”

 

“Wow, nice parenting.”

 

“Someone taught me recently... “  _ You. _ “It works if you use the right bribes. Thirty extra minutes before bedtime was tonight’s.”

 

“Wow, a whole thirty minutes,” Emma quipped with a snort as Regina led her through the house.

 

“Don’t question my methods, Swan,” Regina teased, looking back to give her a wink. When she turned back around, she nearly ran into Henry in the doorway. He stepped back in time though, eyes cautious.

 

“Sorry, Mom, but I  _ was _ still in the living room. Technically,” he said with a sneaky grin before his eyes landed on his other mother. 

 

Emma laughed, and the sound actually eased some of Regina’s tension, and clearly some of Henry’s as his smile shifted to something less controlled. The atmosphere already felt more comfortable, even it Emma couldn’t remember. “Pushing the limits,” Emma said, laughing again. “I like you already, kid.” She held out her fist to him, “I’m Emma.”

 

“Henry,” he introduced, bumping her fist back. Emma went through the whole  _ exploding fist bump _ motions with him, making Henry smile. He shot Regina a look, and it was enough to let her know that everything would be fine. Henry could play the part of only Regina’s son, getting to know this new person, and Emma would be comfortable enough to make a place in both their lives.

 

As she suspected, that was how it went. 

 

That movie night led to another, which led to the next one, which led to Emma staying the night, which led to her visiting for a whole weekend further down the road.

 

A month later, she stayed for a week. 

 

Eventually she had a toothbrush at Regina’s house and a drawer (she hadn’t accepted the whole dresser _ this time _ ). She would wake up before Regina on Sunday mornings just to cook them breakfast, which surprised Henry, but not Regina because  _ it was only a matter of time _ .

 

Only a matter of time until they were serious enough to say  _ I love you _ , until they would be  _ in love _ again, until they would share  _ True Love’s Kiss _ , until Emma’s memories were back, and Emma was too, life as they knew it.

 

They’d been dating for two hundred and twenty three days when Emma said, “I’ve been wondering… if I moved up here, where would I live?” and this time, it was Regina with a mouthful of toothpaste, spinning around in Emma’s arms to kiss her, not a care in the world.

 

With her mouth clear of toothpaste, she asked, “Would you be okay with moving in here?”

 

“With you and Henry?” Emma looked surprised, like it wasn’t the answer she had expected  _ at all _ , but Regina smiled at her, looping an arm around her waist to pull the blonde against her as she ran a hand up and down her arm in assuagement. 

 

“Is that a no?”

 

“No, of course not! I’m just surprised, that’s all. Are you sure you want me here? ‘Cause I’m kind of messy, and you’ll probably have to tell me like, at least three times to take the trash out, and--”

 

“Emma,” Regina interrupted with a grin. “I’m sure.”

 

Regina was sure, Henry was sure, the whole town was sure, Emma seemed pretty sure as well, and the only moment of doubt came from Regina when Snow appeared at her doorstep one day, pouting about how she’d only seen Emma once in passing. “ _ In passing,  _ Regina! I know she doesn’t  _ know _ she’s my daughter, but don’t you remember? We were friends  _ and  _ roommates before either of us knew that the first time!”

 

“Oh, yes, I remember. You talked about your sex lives, if I’m not mistaken. You realize that if you and Emma become best friends, that’s likely to happen again? And this time, you won’t be hearing about some nameless douchebag,” Regina smirked. “You’ll be hearing about the former queen.”

 

The look of horror on Mary Margaret’s face cleared that right up. “Okay, Regina, you’re right. I’ll just… keep my distance?”

 

“Good girl,” she said, patting Snow’s shoulder. At the dismayed look on the woman’s face, Regina made a point to remind her, “It’s only a matter of time.”

 

* * *

 

 

As expected by everyone but Emma, David offered her a job at the station as his Deputy, and he left it up to Regina to tell her. (“Sorry, Regina, I  _ can’t _ . I have  _ proud dad face _ ,” he told her, tilting his face around as a means to show it off.)

 

So Regina bought some nice wine and cooked a fancier-than-normal meal one night during Emma’s last weekend in the mansion as a guest. “What’s the occasion?”

 

“Your new job,” Regina commented, a sly grin on her face. “If you want to take it that is.”

 

“It’s not at the DMV, is it?”

 

At that the brunette laughed. “Would you reconsider moving here if it was?” Emma gave her a look. “No, it’s not at the DMV. David Nolan… you remember him, right?” 

 

“The Sheriff?”

 

Regina nodded, “David wants to hire you as his Deputy. Would you be interested?”

 

Her answer was a loud squeal and a near tackle to the ground as Emma swung her arms around Regina’s neck.

 

A week later, Emma was driving up to Storybrooke, all her belongings stuffed into nearly every inch of space in her bug. “You couldn’t have rented a Uhaul?” Regina questioned when she saw how ridiculous it looked. Henry snorted. “What?” Regina asked, oblivious to the joke.

 

Everything went really smoothly at first, a little  _ too _ smoothly, and it was starting to make Regina nervous. 

 

She paid what was probably too much attention to the way everyone treated Emma, and every time she participated in small talk with her girlfriend and  _ anyone else _ , she always felt like she was guiding the conversation by a leash, keeping control so that nothing seemed off.

 

Unfortunately, that seemed to backfire.

 

About a month into Emma’s new life in Storybrooke, she turned to Regina one night before they fell asleep. “Hey, Regina?”

 

The nervous tension that suddenly filled the room was hard to discern. Regina glanced to Emma, seeking any indication that this was going to be good or bad but determined nothing. Something in Emma’s eyes struck her though, something almost familiar. Her heart skipped a beat, and she wondered if this was the moment, as random as it was, that Emma realized that she loved Regina.

 

“Nothing,” Emma said with a small shake of her head, rolling onto her back again. “Just thinking.”

 

“I know, I can practically hear it,” Regina joked with a humorless laugh, unable to completely fight the feeling of disappointment.

 

After a few beats of silence, Emma’s voice breaks through, soft and hesitant, almost weary. “Do you wish you could?”

 

Did she?

 

If she could hear Emma’s thoughts, she would be one step closer to figuring out the memory curse, or gauging  _ how much longer _ , but that would be one more power she held over Emma, and ultimately, the power she already had was starting to weigh on her more than she ever thought possible.

 

What did wish though, was that Emma could hear  _ her  _ thoughts. To see the memories play out in her mind and remember for herself, that this was right where she needed to be.

 

“No,” she simply answered, turning to face Emma and wrap her arms around her. The blonde shifted towards Regina, repositioning so their limbs are tangled up in each other, their faces only inches away. Regina smiled at Emma in the darkness, and Emma returned it, but her eyes remained the same, distant and lost behind a cloud of thought.

 

It scared Regina so much that she almost wondered if there  _ were _ a way to hear Emma’s thoughts.

 

But then Emma blinked and pressed her lips to Regina’s as she threaded a hand through her dark hair and kissed her with such firm passion that it cleared Regina’s fears, and when she pulled back, green eyes so  _ full _ of everything Regina missed, the words danced on the tip of her tongue.  _ I love you _ . But she didn’t want to say it first, so she held her tongue, her heart in the kind of agony only made from an incomplete love, and she let the moment pass.

 

_ It was only a matter of time _ .

 

* * *

 

 

Another month passed, and Henry practically jumped on Emma with an excited  _ happy birthday! _ and Regina panicked on the spot because Emma’s birthday was exactly the kind of information that no one was supposed to know about.

 

When Emma just responded with a nervous chuckle and a  _ thanks, kid _ , Regina was relieved, but at the same time, that sliver of dread that had been apparently been building this whole time started nagging at her. She didn’t know what it meant, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

 

(Honestly, she’d hoped it would have been gone by now.)

 

Emma had requested to not have a  _ huge _ deal made over her birthday, but  _ something small should be okay _ . David and Regina were the only two who knew (to Emma’s knowledge anyway) about her birthday so they planned a small, private gathering at Granny’s, inviting the people closest to Emma.

 

It turned out, there weren’t many who were close to  _ this _ Emma. 

 

Everyone they talked to wanted to go because they missed Emma, the one they  _ remembered _ who didn’t remember them, and Regina was baffled by how isolated her girlfriend had been during the past two months of living here. She hadn’t reached out to anyone other than Regina and occasionally David, and given how social Emma had always been, this was a red flag.

 

“I think something’s wrong,” she whispered to David at Granny’s one day as they planned out the final few details for Emma’s party that night. 

 

His brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

 

Regina shook her head. Maybe she was just paranoid about the whole thing. It was most of what she thought about, and if Emma’s own father couldn’t see a problem, even as dense as he could be sometimes, she might just be imagining things.

 

Besides, if Henry had noticed a problem, he would tell her. 

 

If anyone were to notice a problem, it would be Henry.

 

So she pushed the thought aside and focussed on making Emma’s birthday the best it could be.

 

A few hours later, she was walking up the path to Granny’s, Emma’s hand in hers. “Are you excited?”

 

“Um,” Emma said with a nervous laugh, “Yeah, I guess so. I’ve never really had a party thrown for me before.”

 

Regina almost corrected her, but stopped herself. Almost a year had passed and she still almost slipped up. “It’s going to be fine, Emma. Trust me. Everyone’s going to have a great time, and I’ll be by your side if you need me.”

 

Emma smiled at her before claiming a kiss. “Thank you.”

 

The party was off to a great start. Everyone who was invited showed up, and no one that wasn’t invited showed up to pitch a fit. There were smiles all around and no reason to believe anything was amiss, but Regina found that she was waiting for something to go wrong.

 

She glanced to Emma, sitting at a booth next to Henry, Mary Margaret across from her talking animatedly about something…  _ Mary Margaret-y _ , and Emma laughed. 

 

To just anyone, she looked relaxed.

 

To Regina, she looked like she was about to bolt.

 

Sure enough, half an hour later, Regina saw a blond head sneaking out the front door, and she didn’t hesitate to follow. 

 

“Emma,” she said, bouncing down the steps after her, dashing down the path like she couldn’t get away fast enough. Luckily the blonde turned to face her, hands in her pockets, looking guilty.

 

“Sorry,” Emma mumbled. “I just wanted some air.”

 

“That’s fine,” Regina nodded, taking tentative steps towards her. “I just wanted to check on you. You looked a little…”

 

“Suffocated?” Emma finished.

 

It wasn’t the word Regina would have guessed.

 

“What’s going on? Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Emma avoided her gaze as her eyes flickered back and forth. “It’s nothing.”

 

Regina knew better than to push her.

 

“You know I’m here for you, Emma,” she said, taking the blonde’s hand in hers. “Even if it’s nothing. Even if it’s something. Okay?” She tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear before tracing her knuckles across Emma’s jawline.

 

“Okay.” Emma smiled softly at her, but her eyes looked  _ so  _ far away. Regina’s concern must have shown on her face because the next thing she knew, Emma’s lips were moving against hers, kissing her like the only thing holding her to this Earth was Regina.

 

Regina  _ felt _ like Emma loved her. Like this should be True Love’s Kiss, but Emma wasn’t giving into the feeling. It was so much of everything they once shared that Regina knew that  _ this _ was the closest they had come to that long awaited moment, but still, something was stopping it.

 

But what, Regina wasn’t sure.

 

* * *

 

 

December fifteenth was a pivotal day for Regina.

 

Two years since she had to let Emma go at the town line.

 

One year since they all appeared back in Storybrooke.

 

Three hundred and sixty-four days since she found Emma again.

 

Three hundred and fifty-one days since she started dating Emma again, fighting for the love of her life and the memories lost within her.

 

There were exactly two weeks until their one year anniversary (this one anyway), and Regina was getting antsy.

 

She was patient with Emma of course, understanding that saying  _ I love you _ for her was difficult, considering the life she’d led up until this moment, real  _ and  _ fake memories included, but Regina’s natural inclination towards pessimism was starting to get the better of her.

 

“Maybe you should plan something huge,” Henry suggested to her a week prior. “For this anniversary. Something that’ll really confirm everything she  _ thinks  _ she’s been feeling.”

 

Henry was convinced that the only thing standing between her and Emma’s True Love’s Kiss was the blonde’s uncertainty of her own feelings. 

 

“You know how she is,” Henry shrugged. “She’s just afraid to believe.”

 

The more Regina thought about it, the more she thought he was right.

 

“She could be waiting on  _ you _ ,” Mary Margaret offered one day at Granny’s. “If  _ you _ say it first, it doesn’t mean she won’t feel it any less when she says it back to you.”

 

Regina nodded, thinking on the woman’s words as she ignored the rest of them that followed. Just because Emma was the first to say it the last time, didn’t mean she had to be this time.

 

With Henry and Mary Margaret’s advice, she started planning.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’ve figured it out!” was the first thing Regina heard into her phone the morning of December fifteenth. Her brow scrunched in confusion as she glanced back at the name on her phone before putting it back to her ear.

 

“Killian, what?” she said climbing out of bed, careful not to wake Emma as she made her way into the hallway. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“One year, to the day, Regina.  _ To the day _ . I finally have a memory potion that will might actually work.”

 

“What? Really?”

 

“You didn’t think I could do it, did you?”

 

“If we’re being totally honest… no, no, I didn’t, but that’s beside the point. Do you have it? Have you tested it?” The questions rushed out. If there was a chance Emma could remember  _ today _ , it would just be perfect. Her heart pounded in her chest at the very idea.

 

“It’s not going to be ready for a few weeks, but I’ll have it by the end of the year. I was too excited to wait, so I hope I didn’t get your hopes up…”

  
“No, no. Killian, it’s fine. That’s great. You’ll keep me updated?”

 

“Affirmative.”

 

“Thank you, so  _ so  _ much.”

 

She actually squealed when she hung up the phone, feeling up on cloud nine. Knowing that she only had to make it a few more weeks before Emma remembered would make them all the more bearable. Especially if it ended up being less.

 

She went through her morning routine, unable to keep the smile off her face, and it was still there when she got herself comfortable in her study to plan this big date for Emma. Even if it wouldn’t happen for this version of their one year anniversary, they would definitely have a reason to celebrate.

 

A couple of hours later, Regina finally had it. The perfect date, for both the Emma with  _ these  _ memories and the Emma with  _ all _ the memories, all marked down and planned out, complete with arrangements for flower deliveries, dinner reservations, and a place for Henry to stay for the weekend.

 

She was going to tell Emma she loved her.

 

She was going to bring back Emma’s memories.

 

She was going to keep on loving her until her heart stopped beating.

 

She was going to propose the minute Emma had her memories back. 

 

“Hey, Regina.” 

 

Regina beamed at the sound of Emma’s voice, dismissing the trepidation it held, but when Emma shuffled her way into the study, perched herself stiffly one of the couches, and said, “I’ve been thinking…,” Regina’s heart dropped to her stomach.

 

Everyone knew this was the setup for an unhappy ending. 

 

“What is it?” Regina asked, her voice small.

 

Emma shifted uncomfortably on the couch, and it took all of Regina’s willpower to go take the seat next to Emma. The blonde moved away slightly, on the edge of the cushion, before she glanced up at Regina, that look in her eyes that apologized before her mouth said what for, that look that was just out of reach and pulling away faster than Regina could react, that look that said:

 

“I have to leave.”

 

Regina blinked in rapid succession, convinced that somehow it would bring her down from the shock paralyzing her body and freezing her heart, as if it would make any sense of this string of words that just  _ didn’t. make. sense. _

 

“What?” Regina asked, stunned and breathless, shaking her head like it could erase the words coming from Emma’s mouth.

 

“Yeah…” Emma said in a breath, staring at her hands in her lap, fiddling with a loose string on her sleeve. “So there’s this job offer… in New York…”

 

But Regina didn’t hear anything else. Her head was spinning, her eyesight was blurred and she couldn’t tell if there were tears or if it was something else. She gripped the back of the couch just to keep herself upright and tried to focus on Emma. Maybe she misheard her. Maybe none of this was happening. Maybe…

 

But then she came back long enough to hear the words  _ New York  _ again, and she stood abruptly, pacing back to her desk with her head in her hands and her heart combusting or deflating in her chest. She wasn’t sure which, all she knew was that it  _ hurt _ .

 

Then Emma was behind her, a gentle hand on her arm, and Regina couldn’t decide if she wanted to flinch back in anger or melt into it with sorrow or laugh at the ridiculousness that this was all happening  _ now _ , on the same day she let Emma go the first time, two years earlier.

 

“Regina, this isn’t… a breakup. I’m gonna come back.”

 

She didn’t think she could speak for a moment, her mouth opening and closing and nothing coming out. She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say. “When?” Her voice was raspy and harsh, and her throat already hurt, but she hadn’t even started crying yet.

 

“I don’t know,” Emma shrugged casually, stuffing her hands in her pockets. “Someday…”

 

Regina scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“I didn’t  _ just _ decide this… I’m not being impulsive. It’s been a long time coming. C’mon, Regina, I’m sure you’ve noticed something. Everything here, in Storybrooke, just feels… off. I don’t know how to explain it.” 

 

Regina could only shake her head in disbelief.

 

“If you think about it, we’ve only been together a  _ year _ , not even a full one. In the grand scheme of things… we have so much time.” Regina scoffed again.  _ Time _ .  _ What a fucking joke _ . “I know it feels bad right now, but… I think it’s the best idea. If I do this…If I take this job... If I go to New York, it’ll fix everything.”

 

_ Stay. Everything will be fixed if you just  _ stay. “But…”

 

“Maybe when I’m settled, you could move with me. Henry too. I’ll make it up to you--”

 

“No,” Regina growled. “No, Emma don’t. Don’t you dare…” A hollow sob from her own lips interrupted her, and the anger building in her chest collapsed into heartache, so suddenly she thought she would fall. She gripped Emma’s arm as if holding tight enough could keep her from going. “Emma you can’t be serious… You can’t-- you can’t just  _ go… _ not  _ now _ .  _ God, _ not now.”

 

Her eyes met green, pleading silently with her, but Emma just wasn’t seeing it. Every bit of distance she had picked up in those eyes in the past year was suddenly all there right now, caught in the stubborn hold Emma had on her decisions, and Regina knew that by  _ I have to leave _ , Emma meant  _ today _ .

 

“ _ Stay _ , Emma. Please. At least for a few more weeks. Why does it have to be  _ right now _ ? What’s so great about this job that you  _ have _ to take it? What do you think needs to be  _ fixed _ that requires something so drastic? Why can’t you just  _ stay _ ?” 

 

But the blonde couldn’t answer. She just shrugged again. “I just have a feeling it’s where I need to be.”

 

“Emma, no. _Here._ _This place_ , here, with me, with Henry. _This_ is where you need to be.”

 

“Why?” Emma countered.

 

Of course, Regina couldn’t answer either.

 

_ The universe can’t possibly be this cruel. _

 

“You know,” Emma said, her voice breaking a little, “Everyone here treats me like I’m… some kind of great person, but no one sees the truth. I’m not that. Everyone needs to wake up and see the reality. I’m nobody. That’s why I have to go.”

 

Regina shook her head, ( _ You’re the one that can’t see the reality, Emma. You’re not nobody; you’re everything to me. You have to stay. _ ) but she didn’t think the words will be enough. 

 

She cupped Emma’s face with her hands, inching towards her to close any and all distance between them. The closer Regina moved to Emma, the less distant her eyes looked, and when their lips finally met, Regina kissed her with all the desperation and longing she had, with all the love she’d ever held in her heart. She conjured up every memory with Emma she had, the good and the bad, from the time she laid eyes on her in front of  _ their _ home, to the time they broke the first curse with True Love’s kiss, all the way to the time they had to say goodbye at the town line. 

 

Her lips moved against Emma’s, trying to  _ show her _ that she needed to stay, that everything could be fixed right here and right now if she just  _ gave it a chance _ .

 

She felt one of Emma’s hands, threading through her hair, the other gliding across her waist, and then everything was on fire. Not the steamy, seductive kind, but the  _ magic  _ kind, the kind that started with sparks and engulfed them all at once like a wildfire. Emma whimpered against Regina’s lips and the brunette stroked along Emma’s cheekbone with her thumb and it came back wet with tears.

 

Reluctantly, she broke apart. “Emma…” she gasped as she opened her eyes, eager to see the recognition in those green eyes because there’s no way that  _ wasn’t _ True Love’s Kiss.

 

For a second it was there. Emma’s eyes widened and her lips parted slightly in surprise. “Regina…” she said, unsure and conflicted. Her brows twitched together for a moment, but then she blinked, and it was gone. Regina watched the hazey distance reappear in Emma’s eyes and it was so much like watching her drive past the town line and further away from Regina that the brunette had to break her own eyes away. 

 

_ Please just stay _ , Regina thought again, unable to form the words even if she wanted to.  _ I love you _ .

 

Emma sucked in a harsh breath as she took a step back. “I…” she started, but her voice gave out. She cleared her throat. “Did you say something?”

 

Regina didn’t know how to answer that, so she didn’t.

 

She knew better than to push Emma, so she didn’t. 

 

She knew that Emma would be her undoing, then and now.

 

She knew that she needed Emma, and even if she didn’t know it, Emma needed her.

 

She knew that she loved Emma, and even if she didn’t remember, Emma loved her too.

 

As she watched Emma walk out that door, hesitating on the last step out, she knew she wasn’t saying goodbye again.

 

She knew she would win Emma back.


End file.
